Monday, December 11, 2006

Yes, No or Maybe?

I hate to admit it, but Greg Behrendt might just have been onto something when he said "He's just not that into you".

A friend and I were waiting in the car last night, freezing our butts off, while Le Garçon and Princess Boy were shopping for toys (don't ask). We got to talking about girl stuff, as is bound to be the case when 2 women get 5 seconds of privacy.

It occurred to us how our idea of "The One" had changed since we were little girls.

When you're 14 and have just discovered that boys are not icky after all, you're full of hope and love and great expectations.
Surely there was a young, handsome, well-mannered boy out there that liked romantic music, slow dancing, walks on the beach and shoe-shopping. Wasn't there?

And then you get to 21 and are just horny. All he has to be is straight and not smell like a sewer rat.

By 25 though, you've kinda been everywhere and done it all. If you're lucky enough to not be married or pregnant already, you're ready to slow it down a little. Common ground and conversation suddenly become more important. Flashy cars and expensive restaurants are nice enough, but laughter and like-mindedness suddenly take on a whole new charm.

And then she said "But one day, you meet someone that doesn't meet a single one of your criterion. Not one. But something clicks, and you just know that he's The One."

Under her breath she muttered "And then it just doesn't work out."

I explained that even though most people and self-help books would tell you to just remember the good times and be happy, I personally found it more helpful to think of all the times you wanted to rip his head from his body and feed it to the sharks. It helps to think of all the crap you WOULDN'T have to live with.

"But what if the only bad thing that happened was that it didn't work out?"

"Then" I said, "that's his biggest fault of all. That he was fool enough to let you go even though you were so great together."

I bet she thought I was being naive.

She said "It doesn't work that way, Ri. Sometimes there are 'circumstances'"

CIRCUMSTANCES, MY BIG BROWN ASS!

Then, in a (rare) moment of absolute brilliance, I replied "I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but that's just total crap. If he wanted it enough, it would have happened. You just weren't what he wanted most of all. If both people in a relationship, *NOT* just one of them, want it to work bad enough, fuck everyone and everything else, it will. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to move on.
The idea of 'circumstances' is like God. They're both comforting thoughts, but they both don't exist."

6 comments:

CyberRowdy(Q8TechDrive) said...

21 and you are horny? gimme a break..it happens much before that...may be right after 15! or may be a bit earlier.

Ri said...

You have to remember that I'm a girl.

At 15 though, I hated boys. Even though I looked and dressed like one.

CyberRowdy(Q8TechDrive) said...

so girls are not horny at the age of 15? and you hated boys at that age? hmmm....

you know who said...

I've always told you that!

Ri said...

CyberRowdy:

No, most girls are dreaming of romance and true love and all that crap at that age. The horniness sets in only later.

I know who:
I know. I guess I might've been in denial when you were screaming it on top of your lungs. You really need to come out of the closet though. I won't bite. At least, not unless you beg me to.
Just out of curiosity, what are you so afraid of?

Mello said...

"Few understand the union of woman and man...
sex and a tingle is where they assume that it lands...
But that's fly by night, for you and the sky I write...
For in these cold Chi night's moon, you my light...
If heaven had a height, you would be that tall...
The Ghetto to coffee shop, through you I see that all...
**Let's stick to understandin and we won't fall...
**For better or worse times, I hope to me you call...
**So I pray everyday more than anything thet friends we'll stay...
**As we begin to lay this foundation for a family...
**Love ain't simple, Why should it be?!...
**Anything worth having you work at annually...
Granted we known each other for some time...
It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine..."

Common "The Light"
___________________________________

with that it should be clear that i do agree with all that you've said about relationships. it will work only if you truly want it to.
and i guess maybe we gave up...i will admit to that... but at the same time i aint gonna look back, it's been time to move on...and you know i'm on with the next girl...
peace.