I hate to admit it, but Greg Behrendt might just have been onto something when he said "He's just not that into you".
A friend and I were waiting in the car last night, freezing our butts off, while Le Garçon and Princess Boy were shopping for toys (don't ask). We got to talking about girl stuff, as is bound to be the case when 2 women get 5 seconds of privacy.
It occurred to us how our idea of "The One" had changed since we were little girls.
When you're 14 and have just discovered that boys are not icky after all, you're full of hope and love and great expectations.
Surely there was a young, handsome, well-mannered boy out there that liked romantic music, slow dancing, walks on the beach and shoe-shopping. Wasn't there?
And then you get to 21 and are just horny. All he has to be is straight and not smell like a sewer rat.
By 25 though, you've kinda been everywhere and done it all. If you're lucky enough to not be married or pregnant already, you're ready to slow it down a little. Common ground and conversation suddenly become more important. Flashy cars and expensive restaurants are nice enough, but laughter and like-mindedness suddenly take on a whole new charm.
And then she said "But one day, you meet someone that doesn't meet a single one of your criterion. Not one. But something clicks, and you just know that he's The One."
Under her breath she muttered "And then it just doesn't work out."
I explained that even though most people and self-help books would tell you to just remember the good times and be happy, I personally found it more helpful to think of all the times you wanted to rip his head from his body and feed it to the sharks. It helps to think of all the crap you WOULDN'T have to live with.
"But what if the only bad thing that happened was that it didn't work out?"
"Then" I said, "that's his biggest fault of all. That he was fool enough to let you go even though you were so great together."
I bet she thought I was being naive.
She said "It doesn't work that way, Ri. Sometimes there are 'circumstances'"
CIRCUMSTANCES, MY BIG BROWN ASS!
Then, in a (rare) moment of absolute brilliance, I replied "I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but that's just total crap. If he wanted it enough, it would have happened. You just weren't what he wanted most of all. If both people in a relationship, *NOT* just one of them, want it to work bad enough, fuck everyone and everything else, it will. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to move on.
The idea of 'circumstances' is like God. They're both comforting thoughts, but they both don't exist."