- Firstly, to my legions and legions of loyal readers. I've been lazy and uninspired lately. I'm sure both of you will understand.
- To my boss. For taking Thursday off. I loved every second of it, but I may have gotten in the way of your little post-lunch "meetings" that your wife never seems to know about.
- To you, the first boy I was ever in love with. Maybe marriage isn't such a bad thing, who knows? Good luck, my friend. You're going to need it. I'll be there. Manning the getaway car, just in case.
- To you that had to wake up to find YOUR nutjob girlfriend on YOUR couch with the creep, drunk and passed out from drinking YOUR alcohol. That was cold. Maybe your wife will kiss your boo boo and make it all better. Oh, and you couldn't dance to save your life. Give it up.
- To you, whose clothes don't fit like they used to. Unfortunately, I know what that feels like. We're going swimming again, even if I have to go CATERPILLAR on your fat ass.
- To you, who I have to work with, 6 days a week, 8 or more hours a day. Your breath smells like a dead cat. Somebody is going to stab you in the face someday. I will point and laugh.
But before I get back to cavorting with rich women that want to look like they didn't really eat a whole cow for breakfast...
- To first time orgasms, to finding out your exes are sorry they're not with you, to showers, to old friends stuck in traffic on the way home from work, to people that know how to make Moonshine, to people that move house and give away their blinds (which I helped pick *scowl*) for free, to roller coasters and Go-Karts, to getting laid in your bedroom with the music playing on cheap computer speakers AND to moments of clarity when everything falls into place and suddenly, things look like they're going to be alright after all.