I'm watching you sleep.
Not thinking, just watching you.
My mind is still and I am at peace, as are you.
You give me peace.
I'm watching you sleep.
You've left me, you've drifted far away.
You don't even know I'm so close, but I can't get any closer without waking you.
I want so badly to wake you, to bring you back to me, but I don't.
I'm watching you sleep.
And I run my finger lightly along the knuckles of your tightly-balled fist.
How can something this tiny wield so much power?
How does your vulnerability make you so strong?
I'm watching you sleep.
Untouched by the world, momentarily separated from the madness,
By translucent eyelids of gossamer silk.
I'm afraid to even breathe on them.
I'm watching you sleep.
And you are safe, I promise.
I love you with everything I have.
More even, than those to whom you belong.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Here goes my tag virginity.
It's true.
It's my first time.
Dyke in Saudi, be gentle with me, please.
*snicker*
I had to think long and hard to come up with my 6 most unspectacularest quirks.
But it turns out I don't know the difference between a quirk that's 'spectacular' and one that's not. So here are mine, one way or the other:
Unlike my other first time, this wasn't so bad :D
I know I'm supposed to tag 6 people, but this is my first tag and I'm not sharing.
SO HA! Bite me.
It's my first time.
Dyke in Saudi, be gentle with me, please.
*snicker*
I had to think long and hard to come up with my 6 most unspectacularest quirks.
But it turns out I don't know the difference between a quirk that's 'spectacular' and one that's not. So here are mine, one way or the other:
- I don't wear jewelry. I hate it with a passion. There're very few things in the world that can make my skin crawl more than the feel of a gold chain. Just writing about it makes me nauseous.
- Butterflies are the other thing. They should be eradicated. And then banned from history books. And museums. And ever being mentioned again.
- I crack my elbows. They make this reassuring *pop* sound that relaxes me.
- I call all dogs 'puppies'. Including police sniffer-dogs that'd make a snack out of me in seconds. (Yes, that nearly happened)
- When I'm tired or drunk (or both), a nerve in the middle of my forehead starts to show. Everyone knows about it. It's very annoying.
- The second toes on both my feet are eerily long. They look like little penises.
Unlike my other first time, this wasn't so bad :D
I know I'm supposed to tag 6 people, but this is my first tag and I'm not sharing.
SO HA! Bite me.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Mayflower afternoons and starry nights
*stretch*
So, I'm back in Kuwait.
I was away for just twelve days, but it was a much needed break.
This holiday was...full.
They handed me my brand new niece and godchild a few days ago. I remember almost as clearly, the day they handed me her father like that, twenty one years ago.
She has long fingers and pretty feet.
You know how they say that sometimes, you have to jump off a cliff and build your wings on the way down? I jumped. We jumped. We just landed in different places. I still miss the morning crossword, though.
Back where I've returned from, lovely Mayflower trees in full bloom line the streets. Quiet, shaded lanes are carpeted in flowers. Sometimes, when the breeze picks up, the street comes alive in swirls of red and you can't help but smile as a stray raindrop trickles down your nose.
I've woken up in the morning to a cacophony of birdsong and fallen asleep to the sounds of crickets chirping in chorus.
I spent afternoons stretched out in the sunlight, drinking chilled beers in the company of good friends. I spent a quiet night, high above the city, stretched out on a deck chair in the moonlight, having conversations with a girl and blended Scotch whiskey.
I floated around in a pool shaded by a beautiful old tree and watched tiny bats swoop down for a split-second drink of water at dusk.
I ate with my fingers, met good people, smiled at strangers, played with stray dogs, walked in the rain and kissed my grandmother.
Yes, this holiday was full.
So, I'm back in Kuwait.
I was away for just twelve days, but it was a much needed break.
This holiday was...full.
They handed me my brand new niece and godchild a few days ago. I remember almost as clearly, the day they handed me her father like that, twenty one years ago.
She has long fingers and pretty feet.
You know how they say that sometimes, you have to jump off a cliff and build your wings on the way down? I jumped. We jumped. We just landed in different places. I still miss the morning crossword, though.
Back where I've returned from, lovely Mayflower trees in full bloom line the streets. Quiet, shaded lanes are carpeted in flowers. Sometimes, when the breeze picks up, the street comes alive in swirls of red and you can't help but smile as a stray raindrop trickles down your nose.
I've woken up in the morning to a cacophony of birdsong and fallen asleep to the sounds of crickets chirping in chorus.
I spent afternoons stretched out in the sunlight, drinking chilled beers in the company of good friends. I spent a quiet night, high above the city, stretched out on a deck chair in the moonlight, having conversations with a girl and blended Scotch whiskey.
I floated around in a pool shaded by a beautiful old tree and watched tiny bats swoop down for a split-second drink of water at dusk.
I ate with my fingers, met good people, smiled at strangers, played with stray dogs, walked in the rain and kissed my grandmother.
Yes, this holiday was full.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Doctor
A man went in to see his doctor.
Doctor: You need to stop masturbating.
Man: Why?
Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you.
Doctor: You need to stop masturbating.
Man: Why?
Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Marriage, Life and Song
I recently met a 21 year old Kuwaiti bride. She wasn't studying, hadn't worked a day in her life and was on top of the world about marrying her nephew who she'd only spoken to twice in person. From what she told me, 'he saw her once and he loved her'. This worried me. I worried for her. I also worry about my friends who worry that, at 25, they aren't engaged to be married. They make me want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them so hard, their brains rattle and their teeth fall out.
MY GOODNESS! It's unfathomable how much there is in life to see, feel, do and experience. I know you can't do it all. But does that mean you shouldn't try and do everything you possibly can? Your youth and the strength that comes with it, those're the two things you'll miss the most when they're gone. There's so much we're capable of. All we have to do is want it bad enough.
Many people will argue that procreation is the natural order of things. Well, guess what. There IS no natural order of things anymore. Not when it comes to human beings at least. WE decide what to do with our lives, our bodies and our genes. That is what sets us apart from less intelligent beings, like monkeys and goats. We can think, reason and make logical choices (most of us, at least). We have, essentially, defied nature with those abilities. In most ways, we're no longer slaves to our baser instincts. We decide whether or not we want to mate, bear children, wander the earth, live or just exist.
Why are we here? We are here to do whatever the fuck we want. That's just how it is.
Richard Dawkins has a more eloquent explanation in his brilliant, exciting and slightly scary Discovery Science documentary 'The Big Question: Why are we here?' (Part 1, Part 2 & Part 3). It's worth the watch.
Okay, I'm done. For now.
Want to hear something pretty?
This is Roy Orbison's original 'Crying'.
And this, *sigh* , is Rebekah Del Rio's hauntingly powerful, Spanish acappella version from the movie 'Mulholland Drive'.
MY GOODNESS! It's unfathomable how much there is in life to see, feel, do and experience. I know you can't do it all. But does that mean you shouldn't try and do everything you possibly can? Your youth and the strength that comes with it, those're the two things you'll miss the most when they're gone. There's so much we're capable of. All we have to do is want it bad enough.
Many people will argue that procreation is the natural order of things. Well, guess what. There IS no natural order of things anymore. Not when it comes to human beings at least. WE decide what to do with our lives, our bodies and our genes. That is what sets us apart from less intelligent beings, like monkeys and goats. We can think, reason and make logical choices (most of us, at least). We have, essentially, defied nature with those abilities. In most ways, we're no longer slaves to our baser instincts. We decide whether or not we want to mate, bear children, wander the earth, live or just exist.
Why are we here? We are here to do whatever the fuck we want. That's just how it is.
Richard Dawkins has a more eloquent explanation in his brilliant, exciting and slightly scary Discovery Science documentary 'The Big Question: Why are we here?' (Part 1, Part 2 & Part 3). It's worth the watch.
Okay, I'm done. For now.
Want to hear something pretty?
This is Roy Orbison's original 'Crying'.
And this, *sigh* , is Rebekah Del Rio's hauntingly powerful, Spanish acappella version from the movie 'Mulholland Drive'.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Marina Waves
If there was a hell, every employee of Marina Waves would be burning there, slowly stewing in their own juices, their skins sloughing off their bodies, their innards oozing out of every orifice...you get the idea.
Here's why.
Here's why.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Suggestions
No, this isn't going to be about the storm last night. I wasn't part of it.
I was on a beach far away, where all we felt was a cool breeze. There was some lightning far out over the sea, but that's about it.
Boys, a word to the wise. When you see a girl that you think you might want to get to know (and then some), standing alone at a distance and staring holes into her back isn't going to work. Also, dancing alone close to the bunch of people she's dancing with doesn't exactly make you look like Danny Zuko. That's more Norman Bates' thing.
What you want to do is try and make eye contact a couple of times. Smile at her. Wait till she notices you and then start a conversation with something that'll make her laugh. Trust me, that works. Most of the time at least.
Also, you need to not be drunk off your ass and punctuating your sentences by spitting in her eye.
And lastly, when she's watching men in tiny Speedos playing volleyball, don't block her view.
I was on a beach far away, where all we felt was a cool breeze. There was some lightning far out over the sea, but that's about it.
Boys, a word to the wise. When you see a girl that you think you might want to get to know (and then some), standing alone at a distance and staring holes into her back isn't going to work. Also, dancing alone close to the bunch of people she's dancing with doesn't exactly make you look like Danny Zuko. That's more Norman Bates' thing.
What you want to do is try and make eye contact a couple of times. Smile at her. Wait till she notices you and then start a conversation with something that'll make her laugh. Trust me, that works. Most of the time at least.
Also, you need to not be drunk off your ass and punctuating your sentences by spitting in her eye.
And lastly, when she's watching men in tiny Speedos playing volleyball, don't block her view.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Dear 'Somebody'
Last night, I finally told a friend about this here blog.
It's not something I tell people about, but PEOPLE, eventually found out.
And it seemed unfair that she didn't know when THEY all knew.
So, dear 'Somebody', as a token of peace (or something), here's a whole post dedicated to you.
No, I'm not going to go and on about you. This is all you get, Ms. Full-of-Yourself.
Deal with it.
I know what you're wondering and yes, I have mentioned you once. But just in passing *snicker*
And just to show you I mean well...here, your yucky-ass song.
It's not something I tell people about, but PEOPLE, eventually found out.
And it seemed unfair that she didn't know when THEY all knew.
So, dear 'Somebody', as a token of peace (or something), here's a whole post dedicated to you.
No, I'm not going to go and on about you. This is all you get, Ms. Full-of-Yourself.
Deal with it.
I know what you're wondering and yes, I have mentioned you once. But just in passing *snicker*
And just to show you I mean well...here, your yucky-ass song.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Of Showers And Green Tea
He heard her chuckle under the big, luxuriant towel as he dried her hair with it. Of course, he knew what she was thinking. They'd nearly fallen in the shower. They'd laughed it off, but explaining a dead, naked girl in the shower would've tested his creative genius to its outer limit. What would he tell the police? His parents? His fiancee? This was what she was thinking. He didn't find it that funny.
He sunk down into his couch and turned on the TV. They had another half an hour or so together before she had to leave for work and he had to remove all trace of her from his home. Nobody could know that she'd been there. Soon, he'd never see her again. We have time, he thought, and tried to focus on the TV.
Robotica was on.
She returned from the kitchen with two mugs of piping hot green tea with mint. She was still wearing nothing but his towel around her. She put the mugs on the table, plopped down into his lap and put her arms around his neck. He smiled at her. She noticed he had that look on his face. She loved that look. It was on his face when she ran towards him in the waiting car. It was on his face when they caught each other's gaze sometimes across a crowded room. She asked him once what that look meant. "I don't know" he'd answered.
She took his face in her hands and kissed him softly on the mouth.
By the time they got to the tea, it was cold and undrinkable.
He sunk down into his couch and turned on the TV. They had another half an hour or so together before she had to leave for work and he had to remove all trace of her from his home. Nobody could know that she'd been there. Soon, he'd never see her again. We have time, he thought, and tried to focus on the TV.
Robotica was on.
She returned from the kitchen with two mugs of piping hot green tea with mint. She was still wearing nothing but his towel around her. She put the mugs on the table, plopped down into his lap and put her arms around his neck. He smiled at her. She noticed he had that look on his face. She loved that look. It was on his face when she ran towards him in the waiting car. It was on his face when they caught each other's gaze sometimes across a crowded room. She asked him once what that look meant. "I don't know" he'd answered.
She took his face in her hands and kissed him softly on the mouth.
By the time they got to the tea, it was cold and undrinkable.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Les Poopiz
This post was inspired by L's Brain.
I apologize for the quality of the video and photos, all I had with me at the time was my not-so-fancy mobile phone.
All the animals you are about to see are currently living at the Animal Friends League of Kuwait shelter, awaiting adoption.
This, is true <3.
I apologize for the quality of the video and photos, all I had with me at the time was my not-so-fancy mobile phone.
All the animals you are about to see are currently living at the Animal Friends League of Kuwait shelter, awaiting adoption.
This, is true <3.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Fuck Valentine's
People that do Valentine's are idiots.
The whole idea is cheesy and nauseating. How something this tacky didn't get made illegal is beyond me.
If Valentine's Day is a big deal to you, you're a big, ol' sucker. If you're so sick of your money, just give it to charity, or better yet, send it to me, instead of letting card companies, toy shops, flower shops, jewelry stores and chocolate factories make you flush it down the crapper.
If I see another heart, another teddy bear, another red balloon, another red rose or another asshole dressed in red, I'm going to jail for
And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm single. I loathed Valentine's even when I wasn't.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Darkness & Light
Death looked out over the disappearing horizon and rubbed his cold hands together.
The sun had taken with it its light and warmth.
The darkness that enveloped everything seeped into every fibre of his being.
He cursed under his breath and continued to walk.
He had done this. It was the work of his hands.
He had caused the darkness, he knew that.
And he hated it, but there was no other way.
He couldn't stop now, he had to keep walking.
There was more light somewhere and he would find it.
The sun had taken with it its light and warmth.
The darkness that enveloped everything seeped into every fibre of his being.
He cursed under his breath and continued to walk.
He had done this. It was the work of his hands.
He had caused the darkness, he knew that.
And he hated it, but there was no other way.
He couldn't stop now, he had to keep walking.
There was more light somewhere and he would find it.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
28
And so, here I am. Another year older. It doesn't feel like it, though.
It started off interestingly enough.
I've never been blindfolded and kidnapped before.
I have a twisted sister and friends.
But standing there, slightly disoriented from being led around in total darkness, listening to them singing a very off-tune "Happy Birthday", their comfortably familiar, slightly drunk, beaming faces illuminated only by the light from candles on a yummy chocolate-hazelnut cake, I was bursting with love. And gratitude.
I'll miss every one of them sorely when I'm gone.
I got lots of nice, thoughtful things and I didn't have to fake appreciation at all. I love when that happens.
The rest of the day was more or less unremarkable. That's because the real party's a little later. THAT...is going to be something.
La sorella had a rough day though. I just wish it hadn't ended as badly as it did for her. I don't know how much of that was my fault, she won't tell me. Even if she doesn't want to, I just hope she knows how much I want to fix it.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Scraps
That's what's been playing in my head.
__________________________________________________________
I watched him as he gently picked up an old Hasselblad 500 CM camera off the shelf.
He lovingly wiped it clean with a soft cloth. He looked up and smiled at me.
"At one time, these were like extensions of myself."
I was surprised by the softness in his tone and the wistful look in his eyes.
He doesn't have these moments often. It felt good to be trusted.
__________________________________________________________
I've joined the gym again. I'm sore and achy all over and I love every second of it.
I'm going to be all hot and sexy soon. Fuck you, I AM.
__________________________________________________________
Someone interesting I met at a party asked for my number. And even though it meant nothing, for various reasons, it's been a long, long time since that happened and it felt good.
__________________________________________________________
The other day, I was alone in the pool. I was floating around on my back and looking up at the ceiling. I was thinking about the fact that I'm still young, relatively healthy and had nothing major to worry about. It felt good to be alive. I started to flop about like a dolphin. It's a good thing there was nobody else there.
__________________________________________________________
My father now smells of Individuel by Mont Blanc.
__________________________________________________________
One of the most special things in the world is the relationship between a boy and his dog. It transcends stupid human relationships.
__________________________________________________________
One of the sexiest parts of a man's body is the back of his head and his nape.
It's one of the few parts he's more or less unaware of. The word 'vulnerable' comes to mind *shrug*
__________________________________________________________
I'm going to be an aunt in May. I'm so excited. WOO HOO!
__________________________________________________________
There's more, but I'm a little fuzzy in the head right now.
__________________________________________________________
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Perspective
I was on the 5th Ring Motorway this morning, headed to work.
Curled up in a tight ball against the cold, my head was a mess.
Nothing seemed to fit and I didn't know how to fix it.
I was so caught up with feeling sorry for myself, that I hadn't realized the car hadn't moved more than two meters for about twenty minutes now.
The haze in my head cleared momentarily and I looked up and outside my window. I couldn't see what was hampering traffic. It had to be big if things were moving this slowly.
Ten minutes later, as the car inched slowly ahead, I saw it. Two police SUVs were parked on the shoulder of the road. Between them was a dark Cherokee that didn't look too badly beat up. I couldn't see why this was causing so much of a hold-up. Then I looked down and my breath caught in my throat. It was a body. Covered in a white sheet.
I looked away, my stomach in knots. I thought of the people that were about to get a call today, perhaps in a few minutes, that was going to change their lives forever.
My life's never been as bad as I make it out to be.
Curled up in a tight ball against the cold, my head was a mess.
Nothing seemed to fit and I didn't know how to fix it.
I was so caught up with feeling sorry for myself, that I hadn't realized the car hadn't moved more than two meters for about twenty minutes now.
The haze in my head cleared momentarily and I looked up and outside my window. I couldn't see what was hampering traffic. It had to be big if things were moving this slowly.
Ten minutes later, as the car inched slowly ahead, I saw it. Two police SUVs were parked on the shoulder of the road. Between them was a dark Cherokee that didn't look too badly beat up. I couldn't see why this was causing so much of a hold-up. Then I looked down and my breath caught in my throat. It was a body. Covered in a white sheet.
I looked away, my stomach in knots. I thought of the people that were about to get a call today, perhaps in a few minutes, that was going to change their lives forever.
My life's never been as bad as I make it out to be.
Monday, December 17, 2007
One Year
It didn't seem right to let today go by without marking it in some small way, at least. SOME kind of eulogy seemed in order. And so...
365 days
An entire lifetime
Since I saw your stupid face
Since I knew
The sound of your laughter
The smell of your skin
The touch of your fingertips
The ache of deprivation
I think about you often
And I wonder if you're happy
I wonder if you miss me
Truth be told
I don't miss you
I don't ache anymore
I'm happy now
I've healed quite well
From the bloody, mangled mess
My heart was in when you were here
It beats quietly and steadily now
As it was meant to
Life's looking good
And for once
I want you to be happy too
Because I've grown up
In the 365 days
Since I saw your stupid face
365 days
An entire lifetime
Since I saw your stupid face
Since I knew
The sound of your laughter
The smell of your skin
The touch of your fingertips
The ache of deprivation
I think about you often
And I wonder if you're happy
I wonder if you miss me
Truth be told
I don't miss you
I don't ache anymore
I'm happy now
I've healed quite well
From the bloody, mangled mess
My heart was in when you were here
It beats quietly and steadily now
As it was meant to
Life's looking good
And for once
I want you to be happy too
Because I've grown up
In the 365 days
Since I saw your stupid face
Thursday, November 29, 2007
You should know ...
I'm not Kuwaiti. I'm not even Arab.
I'm atheist but I love Christmas, Christmas trees and rice lights.
I have serious issues with gold, most jewelry, coloured contact lenses, and butterflies.
I find my mind fascinating. I think that makes me self-absorbed.
I think my mother is disappointed.
I enjoy unmaliciously (is that a word?) shocking people.
I do not believe in anything supernatural, including love at first sight.
I dislike most people but I adore the few that I consider my friends.
I'm pescatarian for ethical reasons. It's flawed, I know. But it's the best I can do. For now.
I'm anal to a fault about grammar, spelling and punctuation.
I can be extremely judgmental on a lot of things. It's hard to change that, but I try.
Money is not very high on my list of priorities. I've been told it should be higher, for my own sake.
I'm lookist and smellist. I'm working very hard on the first bit.
I like boys. No, stop being a pervert. I'm comfortable with boys. Most girls distrust me because of this, but I really don't want to hump your boyfriends. I just don't think that men suck...all the time. For some odd reason, I pamper my male friends a little. I think I get that from my mother. I wonder what that's about.
I'm very intolerant of closed-mindedness and cruelty.
I wish Iwas were braver.
I'm atheist but I love Christmas, Christmas trees and rice lights.
I have serious issues with gold, most jewelry, coloured contact lenses, and butterflies.
I find my mind fascinating. I think that makes me self-absorbed.
I think my mother is disappointed.
I enjoy unmaliciously (is that a word?) shocking people.
I do not believe in anything supernatural, including love at first sight.
I dislike most people but I adore the few that I consider my friends.
I'm pescatarian for ethical reasons. It's flawed, I know. But it's the best I can do. For now.
I'm anal to a fault about grammar, spelling and punctuation.
I can be extremely judgmental on a lot of things. It's hard to change that, but I try.
Money is not very high on my list of priorities. I've been told it should be higher, for my own sake.
I'm lookist and smellist. I'm working very hard on the first bit.
I like boys. No, stop being a pervert. I'm comfortable with boys. Most girls distrust me because of this, but I really don't want to hump your boyfriends. I just don't think that men suck...all the time. For some odd reason, I pamper my male friends a little. I think I get that from my mother. I wonder what that's about.
I'm very intolerant of closed-mindedness and cruelty.
I wish I
Saturday, November 17, 2007
You Are My Sunshine
It was a beautiful November morning. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the air was cool and crisp. The breeze was happy and gentle. It was the perfect day for a picnic.
The DJ had just finished setting up. The music wafted out to every corner of the large, grassy lawn.
She must have been around thirteen or fourteen. She stood taller than most of the kids that ran around her. I disliked her immediately.
By virtue of her height and age, she reserved the right to bully the kids around her. She talked loudly and poked fun at everything that moved. I watched as she and her best friend pointed and laughed at a little girl's fluffy dress. The little girl blushed and hid behind a tree. She was going to grow up to be one mean-spirited woman, I figured.
Not quite.
When she lifted her head and looked past me, the mean smirk on her face was so instantly transformed into an expression of such genuine warmth, that I just had to turn around to see what had caused the change.
It was her grandfather. He was hobbling down the grassy path with his walking stick, wanting to join his grandchildren where they played. The breeze lifted the hair off her face as she ran to meet him half way.
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his wrinkled cheek. He kissed her back and they were lost in animated conversation when he suddenly lifted his walking stick and started to dance to Sean Paul's "Temperature". She held his hand and danced with him, swinging her foot back and kicking it out in time with his foot, in the traditional Arabic style.
And then they threw their heads back and laughed, these two children, dancing in the sunlight.
The DJ had just finished setting up. The music wafted out to every corner of the large, grassy lawn.
She must have been around thirteen or fourteen. She stood taller than most of the kids that ran around her. I disliked her immediately.
By virtue of her height and age, she reserved the right to bully the kids around her. She talked loudly and poked fun at everything that moved. I watched as she and her best friend pointed and laughed at a little girl's fluffy dress. The little girl blushed and hid behind a tree. She was going to grow up to be one mean-spirited woman, I figured.
Not quite.
When she lifted her head and looked past me, the mean smirk on her face was so instantly transformed into an expression of such genuine warmth, that I just had to turn around to see what had caused the change.
It was her grandfather. He was hobbling down the grassy path with his walking stick, wanting to join his grandchildren where they played. The breeze lifted the hair off her face as she ran to meet him half way.
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his wrinkled cheek. He kissed her back and they were lost in animated conversation when he suddenly lifted his walking stick and started to dance to Sean Paul's "Temperature". She held his hand and danced with him, swinging her foot back and kicking it out in time with his foot, in the traditional Arabic style.
And then they threw their heads back and laughed, these two children, dancing in the sunlight.
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